I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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