dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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