He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
