I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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