Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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