Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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