to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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