Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
