Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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