I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
