kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
