Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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