john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the day after is always just damage control
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
