Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just cropdusted the office
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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