Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
