I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
