my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
