Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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