Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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