her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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