im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
