well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
