she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
