been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
