i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
