I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
