Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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