i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
