It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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