So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
