New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
