My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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