Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
