:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
