I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
