I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
