The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
