I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
