i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
