I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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