I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i out mim tonsoeep
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
