this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
