i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
where are my eyebrows?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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