I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
