So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
