We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
