I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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