zippers are such a cool invention
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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