what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wear drunk well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
