At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
