my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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