after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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