kristin has been a bad kristin
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
