I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
