we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
