Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
