Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
