A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
