Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize