Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
