this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just crazy horny about you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
