I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
