Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
