my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
