I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
