Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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