i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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