is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
