I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
