I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
