So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
