I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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